soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
