After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
