I could make wine with my vomit
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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