what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Let's get the cat blown out
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