apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
