he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
