o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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