i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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