Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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