i need an iv and a liver transplant
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
