yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
