Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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