I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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