I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
