yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
