and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
