is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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