Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
