Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
