My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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