My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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