the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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