you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
