Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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