Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize