I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
