I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
If I die, sorry about rent.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
