smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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