I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I skipped work to stalk him.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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