I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize