Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
