no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
