i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
