Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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