I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize