Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
