Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
do nipples grow back?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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