She is in my trunk
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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