I wish I only lived at night.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
