no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
