you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
