just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
