I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize