That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
