Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
