My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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