He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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