It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
