just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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