the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
