Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
