I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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