Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
