Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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