just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The ass gains better be worth it
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