i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize