are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
