Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
