We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
