Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Success! We fucked roommates!
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
