The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
