Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
