I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh god it's open bar.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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