508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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