Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
