no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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