Is it because I queefed?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
