Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
