I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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