Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
whose parrot is this?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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