Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
