Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
