I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize