I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
